23 Things Every Man Needs In His Car

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It’s just past 10 at night. You’re driving home from a week long business trip in the country. Darkness everywhere sans your high beam and the white lines on the road.   You’re having the time of your life belting out Bieber’s “Baby” when you hear a bang followed by thump, thump, thump (you’ve got a flat tyre in case my attempt at onomatopoeia didn’t bedazzle you).

 

“No worries,” you tell yourself. “I’ll have it fixed in a jiffy.”

You pop the boot… and find the spare tyre is more deflated than your ego the time that 19 year old drop dead gorgeous blonde rejected you.

You grab your phone to call roadside assist…but the battery’s dead.  You search the car frantically for your charger but to no avail.  You must’ve left it in the motel room.

You’re miles from the nearest gas station.

The deathly silence  is palatable.

You start to panic. Your mind is working over-time.  You make an executive decision: “I’d rather risk driving on a limp tyre than being stranded in the middle of no-where.”

You take out the spare… but you can’t find the jack anywhere.

“That’s right,” you remember. “I lent it to Dave…asshole never returned it!”

You decide to make the long, arduous journey to the gas station.  Dress shoes and long distance walking were never meant to be and after an hour or so you’re about ready to cut off your feet.

Two hours in and It starts to rain. Teeming, drenching rain…the kind of rain farmer’s orgasm over.

Within seconds you’re soaked to the bone.

Three hours in and you’re close to passing out from the excruciating pain and sheer exhaustion.

Then you see it.

A set of headlights in the distance.

Finally.

As the lights get closer you notice it’s a truckie.

“This guy will give me a lift for sure.”

You stand in the middle of the road and feverishly wave him down.

But he’s going too fast and doesn’t see you until the last minute.  By the time he slams on the brakes it’s all over.

You’re roadkill.

Of course this would never have happened if you’d taken our advice and stocked your car with the following 23 essential items.

Remember: He who fails to plan, plans to fail.

 

 

 23 Things Every Man Needs In His Car Checklist

 

  • Torch with spare batteries
  • Matches
  • Blankets and pillows
  • Bottles of clean drinking water
  • Protein bars/non-perishable food stuffs
  • First aid kit
  • Comfortable shoes – e.g runners
  • Poncho
  • Portable car battery charger/jumper leads
  • Jack & wheel brace
  • Spare tyre (inflated to regulated pressure)
  • Tyre gauge
  • Foam tyre sealant
  • Fire extinguisher
  • Jerry can
  • Three reflective warning signals
  • Spare phone charger/portable smart phone adapter if you own a car older than your grandmother
  • Duct tape/WD-40
  • Change of warm clothes
  • Swiss army knife
  • Compass
  • A good book/favourite ‘nudie’ magazine
  • Condoms – just in case

 

Click here to download and print the PDF version of the checklist

 

If I’ve overlooked anything in the checklist please feel free to add in the comments below.

 

As always, thanks for reading.

 

 

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