This is part two of How To Attract Your Perfect Match Online. You can read part one here.
Dating is fun, enjoyable, and one of life’s best experiences.
I have met some incredible women and some not so incredible women.
Each experience, regardless, has taught me a lesson and I have learned so much from every woman I have dated.
This is how I view dating now.
But I never used to.
Before I started working on myself I used to see dating as a hassle.
It was hard work and very expensive.
And the sex wasn’t that good, either.
‘Why is she being like this? Why is she making things so hard?”
Clearly, I played the blame game.
Because I didn’t understand women.
My way of thinking was all messed up.
I didn’t know what I wanted in a relationship.
I didn’t own my value and worth.
I didn’t know it is my birth right to have the best
…so I settled.
I changed that by changing my thinking.
By becoming my best version in all areas of life.
By knowing women and relationships are “a dime a dozen” and I don’t need them to like me.
The exercise I wrote about in part one is what I use to identify and attract the women I want. This is something I now do with the guys I coach because it’s full proof. It is the most important ingredient in the dating mix, so if you haven’t done it yet make sure you do.
Getting your profile right is the second most important ingredient.
This is where the exercise comes in handy.
You know what you want: what she looks like, how she talks, laughs, what she does, who her friends are, her values and beliefs, etc.
Here’s a profile one of my clients thought would work:
The woman I seek has a slender/fit body. She is 5′ 6-5’9, 55-65 kilograms with long legs, beautiful facial features, blonde, brunette or black hair, blue, green, brown or hazel eyes, aged between 28-35 years.
Her positive energy blows me away as does her intoxicating smile and zest for life. She is lightly tanned or has olive skin. She values and appreciates my time and loves being with me. She is confident, has high self-esteem, assertive, intelligent, and very feminine.
She is vibrant, fun, interesting, mischievous, and has an outgoing personality. She is a great listener and communicator. She is supportive, nurturing, nourishing, uplifting, adventurous, can enrich and add value to my life. She is non-judgmental, accepting of me for who I am and accepting of my teenage daughter.
She is open to humor and playful banter. She shares common interests with me such as constantly working on herself to become her best version, serving others, weekends away, going to new and fun places, such as amusement parks, exploring new bars and different types of food, and stepping out of her comfort zone.
She likes reading, walking, working out, sport and eating healthy. She likes clubbing, seeing live bands, road trips and time curled up on the couch with me communicating verbally and non-verbally.
I am open to her being a smoker/social drinker, vegan, vegetarian, having an accent, tattoos, body piercings. I will not accept a woman who is bitchy, rude or aggressive, too much in her masculine, unable to say no, shallow, desperate, needy or ‘clingy,’ doesn’t take care of herself, has addictions, is a party girl, dishonest and deceptive, and unable to express her feelings with maturity.
This is specific and clear in what he wants and doesn’t want.
On some dating sites he said he got zero ‘hits.’ On others he got a few hits, but only from women older than him or who he wasn’t attracted to.
Hmm, what’s going on?
His profile says very little about him and doesn’t highlight or communicate who he is as a person.
In many ways he comes across as an arrogant, ‘elitist,’ dick who only wants the ‘perfect’ woman.
I made a few tweaks and this is how his profile looks now:
I went out the other day to do a ‘selfie video’ in public comfort zone challenge and I nearly pooed my pants! I’ve howled like a wolf and danced in a busy shopping centre, done push-ups at the Queen Victoria Markets, and asked strangers for a sip of their drink, but the selfie video challenge, well, challenged me the most. I thought I was going to die, but I did it anyway – building rock solid confidence in myself and helping people do the same is one of my passions.
My teenage daughter is my biggest fan and we sometimes doing ‘comfort zone challenges’ together. She has become so much more confident and her self esteem has skyrocketed.
I am constantly working on myself to become my best version, serving others, and living life at full speed – enjoying every moment and grateful for all I have.
I enjoy ‘spare of the moment weekends away’ going to new and fun places, such as amusement parks (big kid at heart!), exploring new bars and different types of food, and of course stepping out of my comfort zone. My interests include reading, walking, lifting weights, sports and eating healthy. I am equally at home at a club, party, or seeing live bands, as I am on the couch reading or watching a movie.
This version conveys more of who he is and who he wants in a partner without coming across as a ‘tosser.’
He’s telling a story and sharing some of his passions, purpose and personality. And he’s being honest and vulnerable.
I also think he’s communicating high value and saying “hey, I have a fun-filled life and am very satisfied with or without that ‘special’ someone. I want someone to share the good times with, but I don’t need them.”
He got instant results. Remember you attract what you are not what you want.
Read that last sentence again.
Tip: Make sure you check your spelling and grammar when writing your profile. High quality women won’t judge you on one or two glitches but anymore than that and she’ll move on.
Spotting A Fake Profile
Read the following closely:
I do not like to praise myself, but really want you to stop your eyes on me. So hello, dear, it will be nice to meet you eye-to-eye!
I am a sincere and active girl. Cheerful, active, kind and interesting person to be with, have a good sense of humor. I am caring, sometimes funny; I really like to cheer up people around me. To be honest I am a 100% positive person who strongly believes in good luck. I live my life with a smile on my face.Yes, I am single and looking for love.
Who believes in ideal relations?
I am not that naive. It’s not a secret, that everybody has good and bad sides. I never look for ideal man. For me so called ideal relationship is understanding, loyalty, trust, passion and tenderness throughout life. And also I want that my husband should be the best friend to me and my relatives.
For now I want to start a new life. I hope that I can find a real man who could be the one just for me and only! Hope you don’t think I am too young for relationship! I know what it takes to love and give all myself to the other person. And I’m ready to move to another country and start a new life with a new chapter in my life, because I want to be, where my love one is. I am looking for a man with a kind heart.
Beauty is not only a face and body; beauty is the light in the heart.
What the fuck!
Sadly, many ‘needy’ men fall for this and think “yes, she likes me…I’m in!”
To you and me this wreaks of fake.
Not all fake profile are this obvious, however.
Some are so well disguised you would never think they are fake in a million years.
The tell-tale sign though is they always mention something about finding a husband, or say something along the lines of:
“I am honest girl/woman…my ideal partner is my best friend…I hope I can find the one…I’m looking to start a new life.”
And they typically have only one photo.
Which Online Sites Should I Use?
Any paid membership site is a good starting point.
I’m not going to tell you which sites are the best, though.
I’ll leave that up to you find out for yourself.
Consider it part of your ‘personal development.’
Getting this right is just as important as getting your profile right.
Don’t use photos of you with your shirt off flexing your muscles;
Don’t use photos of you and your mates boozing it up;
Don’t use photos of you hanging out with a group of girls or guys at a party/club etc.
You get the picture…
Do use a professional shot of you for your primary photo
Do show yourself having fun – skydiving, skiing, rock climbing , etc.
Do include at least 5 photos
You want to fill out every detail without going into detail.
For example, you like horrors and mysteries, but don’t say which ones or who your favorite author is.
You say you like adventure but you don’t say what kind of adventure.
You leave this open for two reasons:
- If she’s interested she’ll ask you about them.
- If gives you ammunition to be a bit playful and move things along after she’s contacted you:
Her: “Who’s your favorite author?”
You: “Stephen King.”
Her: “I love Stephen King. What’s your favorite book?”
You: “Hang on, I’ve just started talking to you. I haven’t even met you yet and you want me to tell you my favorite King novel…for all I know you could be a renegade surgeon who seduces men and then cuts out their kidneys and sells them on the black market :)) !!!”
Her: Lol! I’m not a renegade surgeon who seduces men and sells their kidneys on the black market…promise!!!”
You: Hmm, I think we need to have a Skype call…just to put my mind at ease…and yours. For all you know I could be a figment of your imagination…
More on flirting, bantering and play fighting in part three.
As always thanks for reading.