I Came On Too Strong With A Quality Woman: Here’s What I Learned


I Came On Too Strong With A Quality Woman is the second installment of my experience with quality women, and how these interactions made me a better man.  A link to the first installment is at the end of this post.



  • Women need to feel safe and secure with you.  Just because she’s given you her number doesn’t mean you can start blowing up her phone.  This is not only coming on too strong, but weak, needy, and ‘stalkerish’ as well.
  • You’re only coming on too strong if she isn’t.  If she’s digging you go with the flow, pull back, go with the flow, pull back.  Repeat.
  • Don’t declare your interest too soon.  Women love the ‘thrill of the chase.’
  • Always lead the interaction and take control – ‘high quality women want men who lead’- Bruce Bryans
  • Always play-fight and tease her and  don’t worry about getting her number, or what your next move’s going to be – stay in the moment and enjoy the interaction.  Let things unfold naturally.


So I waited two days before I texted her.

Ideally, you should wait three to four days before texting a woman you just met, especially a high quality woman.


Imagine you are a high quality woman. You can have any man you desire. Men are hitting on you everywhere you go.

Crash Diet In Attraction

When you go to a bar or club men are asking you for a dance, if they can buy you a drink, and trying to get your number.

You give it out because you are either interested, or because you just want to get to rid of them. Some girls will become bitchy and tell the guys to fuck off or something just as mean.

The guy you gave your number starts blowing up your phone the very next day asking you out for a drink.

When you don’t reply he becomes needy and weak,  and starts acting like a women by saying things like “aren’t I good enough for you?” or “just because you’re pretty doesn’t give you the right to ignore me.”

I have to declare ‘N’ went cold on me. She didn’t return my funny text. I sent her a picture of a cat with a piece of bread stuck on its head and wrote: “Is it just me or do Monday’s make you feel like this too?”

Women Are Like Cats

But I didn’t freak out and start blowing up her phone. I know my value and worth when it comes to women and I certainly know I am good enough for a high quality woman. I also learned pretty quickly that high quality women are like cats; they will come and go as they please. If you try to force things it will repel her and end up in her resenting you.  You will blow any chance you might have left.

Coming on too strong isn’t the end of the world. A lot of the guys I coach ask me “I came on too strong with a girl. How do I fix it?”

I tell them you can’t fix it – it has to fix itself.  Let me explain: After sending ‘N’ that text I waited a week and then I called her. It went to her mailbox. I left a short but strong message that communicated “hey, I’m giving you the opportunity to have a great guy in your life, call me if your interested.”

She sent me a text apologizing for ignoring me, and explained that she was only after a one night stand, as she was heading back to the UK in a few days.

If I had continued coming on too strong and trying to force things I wouldn’t have got this text. The ‘always best to let the woman come to you’ mantra has been reinforced over the years in my dating life and it is rule I not only teach, but live by.

Send her a text or two and wait for her to reply.

Take Away

Sometimes a woman will grab your hand because she sees you as a friend.

I learned this with a girl I met before ‘N’ who I’ll call ‘S’. She was interested in me romantically to begin with but I blew it by coming on too strong too soon. I declared my interest straight away.

Women like a man who is a challenge, the bad boy.

She wants to be in a position where she’s wondering about you and thinking “I want him.” Women want what they can’t have more than men. They want to chase and get excited about it.

It is scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.

Later that night when ‘S’ grabbed my hand I thought “I’m in!” But back then what I had learned hadn’t sunk in and I didn’t go for the kiss or get her number. And I was talking and interacting with her like a friend rather than her lover and so she treated me as such.

Always act like her lover otherwise you’ll get friend zoned.

When I did ask for her number at the end of the night she looked annoyed. I pulled out my phone and it was dead.  If her attraction levels weren’t likewise beforehand they certainly were now.

I continued being weak and needy and said I’d hit you up on Meetup. She agreed simply because she didn’t want to hurt me. How do I know?  As I was leaving I went in for the kiss and…she gave me her cheek.

If you go in for the kiss and the girl gives you her cheek…

This means her attraction level is very low and she sees you as just a friend. If you want to be just friends by all means contact her. I tried hitting ‘S’ up on Meetup only to learn she had blocked me!

This is how quickly things can blow apart when you don’t understand women, and come on too strong.

Most of the time when a woman grabs your hand she is interested in you, especially if you have been touching, flirting, bantering etc. beforehand.

Don’t go for the number straight away.

With the beautiful girl I was dating just before and after Christmas last year it started out well, very well in fact. We dirty danced for hours, and she was feeding me Jack and Cokes.

When we went out for a smoke she grabbed my hand. I let it go before we got outside then I grabbed her hand as if to say “I’m the man, I’m the one who leads.”

We talked, danced, talked and danced some more before I got her number. By this stage her attraction levels had increased from a 6 or 7 to an 8.

More importantly her comfort levels had skyrocketed.

Women need to feel comfortable and safe with a man before they will go out with him. At the end of the night I went for the kiss but she walked away. I  remained in my centre and said see you later, alligator.

As her  taxi pulled up she walked over to me and gave me a peck on the lips.

It was at this point that I knew she was chasing me. This was later confirmed when she texted me first. Our dates were awesome and we both had enjoyed them very much.

Find out why it dissolved and what I learned from that experience here.

With ‘N’ I did everything right other than just go with the flow. Even though her attraction levels were high, I hadn’t made her feel safe, and came on too strong.

A high quality woman will always flake on you if you don’t make them feel comfortable and safe regardless of how interested in you they are.

Then again, never forget that women are emotional beings – what they feel one moment they may not feel the next for any number of reasons – don’t take it personally and don’t try to rationalise it.

You’ll only drive yourself mad.

See every interaction you have with a woman, whether good or bad, as an opportunity to grow, learn and become better.


Cari saluti da Melbourne! And as always, thanks for reading.


Read part one: I Could’ve Had Both Girls But I Blew It

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A 'perfectly imperfect' man doing all I can to be a better man. When I'm not blogging, I'm kicking ass in Krav Maga class, belting out classic rock tunes on my Slash Les Paul, learning Italian language and cooking, or just hanging out with family. If you liked this post please help me reach more men by hitting the share buttons/telling your friends about my work. And If you would like to know more about me just click on the 'About' tab above or follow me on social media. Grazie!