In part one of the Social Skills Masterclass we look at 5 conversation tactics that make her want more of you.
Specifically, you’ll learn:
- How To Start A Meaningful Conversation With Women
- How To Kill Awkward Silences Dead
- How To Keep Things Interesting And Never Run Out Of Things To Say
Boy Meets Girl
The other day I caught up with a male friend I had just met. We grabbed a coffee and a bite to eat, then walked around the city, swapping war stories. Here’s what went down
Don’t worry, you’re not alone. A lot of men are like this, even confident, outgoing men like my new friend.
Yours truly spent many years being that guy, as well. But I invested heavily in myself, persevered through the set backs and rejections, and now I can start and keep conversations going with women easily and effortlessly.
Throughout my journey I have found the following 5 conversation tactics make women wet and want more of you:
- The Johnny Cash
- The Mad Hatter And The Non-Sequitur
- The Fortune Teller And The No Shit Einstein
- Dot To Dot
- The Entertainer
Let’s now go through each one in detail
The Johnny Cash
The Johnny Cash =Turn Your Filter Down, Son.
When you’re hanging out with your family or mates you’re most likely relaxed, blurting out whatever’s on your mind.
I know I am. For example, I’ll say things like:
“I had the best shit today.”
“I took the dog for a walk and he pissed on every tree.”
“Man, you talk shit. There’s no way they’ll win the flag this year.”
My filter is turned down. I’m relaxed, being myself, and not worrying about messing up.
But when you start talking to a beautiful woman it’s the complete opposite.
You don’t say what’s on your mind because you don’t want to mess up. Your filter is up so high it can almost touch the sky. And before you know it along comes one of the biggest causes of blue balls known to man – the awkward silence.
Let’s take a moment to remember our brethren who have fallen victim to the awkward silence and are now living out the rest of their days in the no sex zone.
I don’t want you to suffer this fate, so from now on when you’re talking to a woman you’re interested in, turn your filter down and say whatever’s on your mind. This’ll make the interaction lively, interesting and entertaining, and she’ll want more of you.
If she makes you nervous because she’s sexy tell her.
If she disapproves or gets offended/upset so be it. This just means she’s not right for you. Move on to someone else who’ll appreciate you for who you are.
The Mad Hatter And The Non-sequitur
The Mad Hatter and the Non-Sequitur = nonsensical, whimsical, crazy ass sentences. In other words you’re the interesting, fun guy she’s dying to meet.
Here’s a few examples I’ve used in the past:
” I had my first wine last night. That car crash last week was the worst I’ve seen.”
“I hate this show. What’s another word for cruise?”
This conversation tactic works best in clubs, bars, parties, mixers and so on. It’s a specialized conversation tactic that takes time to master, but is definitely worth having in your arsenal. This technique works well because it shocks her out of the ‘every day’ and makes her curious about you. Once mastered it makes the conversation fun, lively, spontaneous, and unpredictable – things woman love in a guy:
A really intelligent woman will LOVE it when you can playfully captivate her mind with stimulating yet nonsensical conversation- Bruce Bryans
The Fortune Teller And The No Shit Einstein
The Fortune Teller and The No Shit Einstein = making a statement and making a prediction/stating the obvious.
Most guys ask women questions rather than stating things.
Asking questions in the beginning is normal and acceptable but doing so repeatedly makes it hard for her to trust you or build rapport.
Depending on the circumstances it may annoy her because it feels like an interview or worse, an interrogation.
As Mark Manson says in his book Models:
When you share a fact about yourself and then talk about it, you are…sharing yourself and giving her a chance to chime in with her input as well.
Manson goes on to add that “the amazing thing about speaking in statements is if you do it correctly, she will start asking you questions.”
When she starts asking you questions she is investing in you = she’s attracted to you.
Answer honestly and without caring if you’re saying the right thing and “you control the information and the conversation.”
The other thing about speaking in statements is you are being vulnerable. By doing so you are creating an emotional connection.
Here’s an example of something I’ve used in the past:
“I got into residential youth work because my childhood wasn’t the greatest. I come from a broken family. I want to make a difference to young people’s lives and use my own experiences to help them reconnect with family and society.”
Note: the above example is best saved for later on when the two of you are getting closer to being a couple. The best response when asked ‘what do you do?’ is a lighthearted one. For example, I’ll say: “I’m a licensed trouble shooter.” She’ll no doubt push you to give her a serious answer, but remain mysterious, playful and don’t spill the beans. Just give her something like this: “Look, if things get serious, I’ll tell you. Right now, I’m having too much fun fantasizing about you …”
Making a prediction is guessing something about her rather than asking her – it’s a cool way of creating flowing dialogue.
“Let me guess…you’re a cat lover.”
“You use your hands a lot when you speak. I bet you’re a teacher.”
“You guys look like you’ve been friends since childhood.”
If your prediction is right she’ll freak out and ask you how you knew.
If you’re wrong she’ll ask you what made you think that.
Either way, you win because you will have something to talk about for a while…if nothing else it’ll get her to open up for awhile anyway.
And that’s where Dot To Dot comes in
Dot To Dot
This is joining all the pieces of the conversation together. It requires good active listening skills on your behalf.
For example, if she says “I’ve been teaching for 5 years. I love it, but want to get into educational sales. I enjoy meeting and talking to people and hate being cooped up in a classroom day after day.”
By connecting the dots here I can connect with her through similar experiences. I used to work in sales and I hate being cooped up in an office.
This is telling or sharing a story. Mark Manson suggests for this tactic to be successful it must follow the same structure as an essay:
According to Manson this way you avoid sounding weird, random or ‘what the fuck?’
I don’t agree with Manson here because I have found when I have followed this structure I sound like a university lecturer and the story comes across as unnatural and contrived. Nevertheless, for many others this structured style works well. I’ll present it here and you can make up your own mind. Regardless of how you do it, telling or sharing a story is one of the best ways to start and keep a conversation going with a woman.
Here’s an example I’ve used in the past following Mansion’s structured pattern
“Hey, a funny thing happened the other day. On the way here I thought I’d grab a quick bite to eat at Maccas near my joint. I don’t normally go there, but I am a huge fan of the bacon & egg Mcmuffin meal and love their coffee. I like how they run it all day now – I can rock up anytime and get my ‘hit.’
So I rock up and order what I want and the girl behind the counter says they stop making coffee after 10 pm. I asked her what am I supposed to have with my ‘breakfast?’ How can you serve all day breakfast without coffee?
She shrugged her shoulders and asked if I would like a coke instead.
I just stood there dumbfounded. It must have taken me a good five minutes before I replied: who has coke with their breakfast?
Again, she just shrugged her shoulders.
So I shrugged mine back at her and went to the Maccas up the way a bit and got a coffee with my breakfast.
So, yeah I reckon she just couldn’t be stuffed making the coffee for whatever reason.
It’s not the first time I’ve experienced shit service like that at that Maccas, either.
Anything like that ever happen to you?
Mastering these conversation tactics and techniques take very little time if you practice them daily.
I would suggest practicing them on your mates, family members, and even female friends for two weeks straight.
Then practice them on random girls for two weeks straight.
After a month or so you’ll have the confidence to use them on women you like.
As always, thanks for reading
In part two of the conversation mini course we look at the Social Skills Resume and Preparing Answers to Commonly Asked Questions. Check it out here