How To Communicate Effectively With Women And Score Every Single Time


This is an excerpt from my upcoming E-book: How To Communicate Effectively With Women And Score Every Single Time.


That night I failed a woman’s compliance and congruence tests, but I learned from my mistakes, and now use my experience to help men pass these tests.


She wants to know how far she can push you before you say no – David Deida.


What Is A Compliance Test?

In its most basic element a compliance test is when a woman asks you to hold her drink, bag, coat, anything she is holding, when she could easily put it elsewhere her self. She’s testing you to see if you’ll comply with her request.  In other words, she’s asking “is he a warrior or a wimp?”

Other examples of compliance tests:

You’re in the kitchen fixing something. She’s sitting on the sofa watching TV. She asks you to grab her the chips. Do you:

A. Grab them for her.

B. Tell her your busy and that she will have to wait or get them herself.


If you picked A you failed her test because you stopped what you were doing to attend to her needs.

If you picked B you passed her test because you asserted yourself and put your needs before hers.

A woman – especially a high quality woman – finds it hard to trust a man who doesn’t assert himself – Bruce Bryans.

This is why she uses compliance tests.  She wants to know how far she can push you before you say no.  How willing are you to please her?  Are you capable of standing up to her and asserting yourself.

If you can’t stand up to her how can you stand up for her?

These are just some the questions she’s asking herself about you as a man. When you communicate effectively and assert yourself you score every single time, sex or otherwise, because you’ve demonstrated to her that as a man your needs and wants come first.

And when you do this the sex is fucking awesome, believe me.  Your life is outstanding because you have a woman who treats you like her king. She’ll ‘move mountains’ to make you happy and be happy with you because she can trust your masculine core.

And most importantly she respects you as a man.


When Compliance Tests Aren’t Compliance Tests 


In his blog marriedmansexlife relationship expert, Athol Kay points out the following:

A reasonable test made in a reasonable tone is not a compliance test.

Example: Your partner is making the bed. She asks you to please grab the sheets from the linen closet. You both sleep in the bed so this is a reasonable request and you should comply.

A reasonable request made in an unreasonable tone is in fact a congruence test.

Example: She tells you to grab the sheets and does so in a disrespectful way. “Get off your lazy ass and get me the sheets from the linen closet.”

Best response: “I don’t talk to you like that so you won’t talk to me like that. Now, if you ask me in a civilized manner, I’ll grab the sheets for you. Otherwise, I’m going to stay on my lazy ass.”


Congruence Test


Bruce Bryans, author of What Women Want When They Test Men explains this test as:

any kind of conscious or subconscious behavior a woman exhibits while interacting with a man in order to discover if his external representation is consistent with his inner frame. In simpler terms, it’s a test to determine whether or not a man is, at his core, congruent with what he’s presenting to her


Your body language communicates to her that you are a confident, non-needy, non-approval seeking alpha male, like the guy in exhibit A.

confident body langauge

Exhibit A.


She’s attracted to you and puts herself in your orbit. You initiated the interaction.  You’ve passed Phase 1 of her test.

Now the fun begins… If you know what you’re doing.

Phase 2 of her testing might go like this:

“Do you always sit like you own the joint?”

Before I became better with women I used to reply with something like:

“Is that what it looks like?”

“Yeah, it does.”

“Oh, shit..I didn’t realize it came across that way. Thanks for letting me know.”

Test well and truly failed. I missed out on so many great opportunities because of it.

Not anymore.

When a woman uses this type of congruence on me today I might reply with:

“Are you trying to seduce me…naughty girl, we only just met,” with a James Bond grin.

If she says it in a bitchy way I might say:

“I’ll sit how I want…if you don’t like it leave.”


“Trust me, if I owned the joint I wouldn’t be sitting here…and you wouldn’t have made it pass the bouncers ”


“What’s your point?”

Test passed…for now.

Throughout the interaction she will test and test…and test. Her testing is relentless and never-ending.

This is good. It means she is interested in you.























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A 'perfectly imperfect' man doing all I can to be a better man. When I'm not blogging, I'm kicking ass in Krav Maga class, belting out classic rock tunes on my Slash Les Paul, learning Italian language and cooking, or just hanging out with family. If you liked this post please help me reach more men by hitting the share buttons/telling your friends about my work. And If you would like to know more about me just click on the 'About' tab above or follow me on social media. Grazie!