Here in Australia we have a very successful retail chain called The Good Guys. Its success comes from being proactive rather than reactive, bold, creative, interesting, open and transparent, and creating win-win outcomes for both itself and its customers.
It does the right thing based on its core values and principles and is prepared to take risks and fail.
And it has a kick ass jingle based on the Beach Boys’ ‘Good Vibrations’: “Come in and see The Good -Good-Good-Guys…”
Let’s play a little game. Change The Good Guys to The Nice Guys. What images come to mind? I see a weird looking dude in glasses going out of his way to please me.
Now change the jingle to: “Come in and see The Nice-Nice-Nice-Guys…”
I don’t know about you but for me that just doesn’t sound right. In fact, it sounds lame, kind of insincere, corny, and, well, try hard.
A bit like the Nice Guy himself, actually.
In this epic match up we briefly explore the following:
- The difference between the nice guy and the good guy
- Why high quality women run away from the nice guy
- Why people in general find it hard to relate to the nice guy
- Ways you can kill your inner-nice guy and still be ‘nice’
10 Signs You’re A Nice Guy
- You believe if you are good, giving, caring, and go out of your way to do something for someone you should be rewarded, liked, and loved.
- You’ll do almost anything to win the approval of women, such as doing things for her that you wouldn’t normally do for anyone else – even women you’ve just met.
- You avoid conflict and confrontation, and withhold opinions or agree with people, especially women, even when deep inside you don’t.
- You go out of your way to fix or take care of a woman’s problems
- You feel guilty for saying ‘no’
- You cover up your flaws and mistakes, and play the victim
- You’re afraid of failing and making mistakes
- You over-analyse everything and worry what people think of you
- You have a hard time getting your needs and wants met
- You’re emotionally dependent on women. You chase after them and put their value above your own. As a consequence you are put in the no sex zone, used and abused, or settle for whatever you can get.
The good guy, or high value man, is the complete opposite. As outlined in the opening paragraph he is proactive rather than reactive, creates win-win outcomes, doesn’t cover up his flaws or mistakes, takes risks and is prepared to fail in order to grow as a man.
He is bold, interesting, and doesn’t do things to be liked, loved, or rewarded – he gives his gift without expecting anything in return. He follows a code of conduct, lives life on his terms, and always does the right thing as opposed to the nice thing.
The nice guy is no match for the good guy. The nice guy is dependent and reliant on others. He seeks external validation, follows the lead, lives covertly, and does the nice thing as opposed to the right thing. As a result he gets walked on, cheated on, dumped, or both, and makes high quality women sick. His lack of morals, values, and ethics make it very difficult for high value men to connect with him likewise.
Conversely, the good guy is highly respected, seen as a leader, and gets his needs and wants met. High quality women can’t get enough of him, and other high value men want to be around him. He is transparent, honest, accountable, does the right thing as opposed to the nice thing, and lives life on his terms.
How To Kill Your Inner Nice Guy
How may nice guy ‘traits’ do you have? It’s OK. We all have them. From time to time I still find myself being the nice guy or too nice. Number 5 in the list is my Achilles Heel. Saying no is bloody hard for me at times because I don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings, or feel like I’m letting them down. But like everything, the more I practice saying no to the things I don’t want to do, the easier it gets. Becoming a student of Dr. Robert Glover’s work and putting into practice on a daily basis the exercises he lists in his highly acclaimed book, No More Mr. Nice Guy is helping me no end. I strongly encourage you to read this book if you want to kill your inner nice guy.
How To Be Nice Without Being A Nice Guy
The next time you’re having a conversation with someone, especially an attractive woman, and something is said that you don’t agree with, consciously make a decision to express your opinion or assert yourself. Try saying something like, “I hear what you’re saying, but I respectfully disagree. I think her singing has improved massively in the last year.” This way you are being your own man with your own opinions and still being ‘nice.’
And remember: attractive women find men who assert themselves hard to resist.
Breaking Free Activities*
- Write down the names of three men who you trust and talk to them about any of the Nice Guy traits you have from the list above. If this isn’t possible, consider joining a men’s group, support group, 12 step program, or seeing a therapists.
- Research why people try to change who they really are?