I came on too strong with this absolutely gorgeous English girl who approached me. I’ll never forget it. I learned a lot about high quality women that night. Here’s what went down: I had only just moved from Brisbane to Melbourne. I didn’t know anyone, so I joined meetup.com, a social networking consortium (yeah, that’s right. I know a fancy word or two).
The first event I went to was a ‘pre-valentine’s day’ party. Within minutes of arriving I was playing around with a girl at least 10 years younger than me.
I was being sexual, authentic, and masculine, and she was lapping it up.
When she told me she was a music teacher I whispered in her ear: “There’s no way I could ever be a student of yours.”
When she asked why I replied: “Because I wouldn’t be able to concentrate.” Subtle, but very effective, and not coming on too strong.
She threw a few congruence tests at me to see if I was the real deal by saying things like:” You look like Alec Baldwin…hehehehe.” And asking me where I went whenever I left the table.
My response to both was: “Hell, yeah. Alec Baldwin is the man! He gets all the pussy!”
“Oh, forgive me. I had to make a quick call to my supplier. Demand is heating up and supply is low, but I took care of it…you know how it is.”
When she said she didn’t I replied with a James Bond grin: “Oh, really…you could’ve fooled me.”
I was being playful with her and not letting her throw me off course. I was being the centred, masculine man, or ‘bad boy’ women crave.
We then moved on to the dance floor with a small group, and I soon found out that when she’d said she couldn’t dance, she’d meant it.
Her dancing was that bad it was scaring the crap out of me!
I looked for a way out and spotted a two seated couch no-one was sitting on, so I casually slid away and sat down.
Within a few seconds I noticed this gorgeous blonde checking me out and smiling at me – this is an invitation to approach guys so do it.
I didn’t take much notice of it and didn’t approach because I was planning on being with the horrible dancer. So I sat down on the couch and intentionally took up too much space, like a high value man.
Women are naturally drawn to this type of body language, especially high quality women.
I was fucked from dancing and just wanted to relax for a bit. Next thing I know the gorgeous blonde sits down next to me and starts asking me run-of -the-mill questions like “what’s your name,” and “what do you do?” and “is this your first time to this meetup group?” and so on.
This is how women try to hit on guys.
I knew what she was doing, but didn’t pay any attention to it because like I said, I planned on being with the horrible dancer. Then she whispered in my ear “your girlfriend has a hot ass.”
Holy fuck! If ever there was an invitation to have a threesome…
But instead of going for the jugular and getting it on with both of them, I replied: “Oh, she’s not my girlfriend…we only just met.”
Doh! What was I thinking…
Anyway, I hadn’t entirely blown having both girls at once at this stage. That happened when the horrible dancer went to the ladies.
While she was powdering her nose I started paying the gorgeous blonde, who I will call ‘N’ my attention. By attention I don’t mean I started being the ‘nice guy’, sitting up straight, and coming on too strong. I just started play fighting with her, teasing her, giving her genuine compliments, and being charming and charismatic.
It continued like this for a while then she asked if I wanted to join her outside for a smoke.
I accepted her invitation and she took my hand and held it until we got outside. As I walked past the horrible dancer I grabbed the drink in her hand and cheekily said “Cheers big ears”
Yep, I was being a dick. And it was at this point that I had well and truly blown it.
Lesson learned: Don’t let things go to your head and be a dick. More importantly a man must always take the lead. As Bruce Bryans makes clear in his book, What Women Want When They Test Men:
Women want men who can lead. Any effort to seduce her or win her heart will only backfire if she doesn’t already respect you as a man
I let blondie lead me but worse of all, I let it stay that way. I did nothing to turn it around and lead her. She had no respect for me as a man. I was just a bit of fun for her, as you will find out in part two.
At the time I thought her taking my hand and leading me outside was a sure thing she was interested in me, so I took out my phone, handed it to her and said “give me your number”, which she did.
I acted without hesitation, but I also came on too strong – she had no respect for me as a man. She might’ve fucked me that night, but there was no way she was going to go out with me.
Read other ways I came on too strong with a quality woman: here’s what I learned