In his highly recommended book, No More Mr. Nice Guy Robert Glover provides many exercises and activities for recovering Nice Guys.
Each exercise and activity is more than useful and, if followed through and repeated, turns Nice Guys into masculine, mature men women find hard to resist. Out of all the exercises and activities, though, one in particular helped me the most.
I will share that with you soon enough, but first I want you to read the following true story.
A Night Out With The Lads
10.35 p.m. A Melbourne Nightclub. Enter Rodney, a 20 something bloke with a bit of a gut and ‘average’ looks. He has a military cut, and is wearing a plain black T-shirt, blue jeans, with white sneakers. He walks over to a group of men his age at the bar and orders a beer.
Ian (to Rodney): You’ve checked her out about fifty times already and you’ve only been here for half a beer. You gonna talk to her or what
Rodney: Mate, she’s fucking hot. I think I’m in love.
Ian: So don’t be a pussy and go and talk to her.
Rodney: Yeah… I should, hey?
The girl notices Rodney checking her out and smiles at him.
Jeff: Dude, you gonna do something about that?
Rodney: About what?
Rodney: Get fucked…
Ian (to Rodney): Mate, just go and talk to her. What’s the worst thing that could happen?
Rodney (taking a deep breath) Yeah, you’re right.
Rodney thinks of a line he’s going to use and walks over to her. As he nears his chest tightens and heart starts pounding. He’s nervous as heck and wants to turn around and go back to his mates, but it’s too late -she’s seen him coming. He can’t back out now.
Rodney (under his breath) Fuck me! I’ve forgotten that awesome line. Hey, how’s it going?
Hot Girl: Not bad, thanks. How are you?
Rodney: I’m good…thanks. What’s going on?
Hot Girl: Just enjoying a wine while I’m waiting for some friends to show up. What’s up with you?
Rodney (slightly confused): What do you mean?
Hot girl: What are you up to?
Rodney: Oh, yeah…umm… I’m here with some mates just chilling.
Hot girl: Cool.
Rodney: I’m Rodney by the way.
Hot Girl: Sharon.
Rodney: Nice to meet you.
Sharon: You too.
A little while later…
Rodney: So, what do you do Sharon?
Sharon: I’m a nurse.
Rodney: Cool. How long have you been a nurse for?
Sharon: About three years now.
Rodney: Cool, do you like it?
Sharon: Yeah, it’s challenging, but very rewarding. What do you do?
Rodney: I’m a sales rep.
Sharon: No, I meant for work…
Rodney: That is my work…listen I..er..have to get back to my mates…it was nice meeting you.
He heads back to his mates with his tail between his legs, and bullshits about how she wasn’t really his type while inside his kicking himself for ‘freezing’ up again.
Sharon’s confused as all fuck as to what just happened: ‘Why did he leave? He was cute…’
I was once like Rodney. Sometimes I froze up so much I wouldn’t even go over and talk to them, even when they came to me.
And like Rodney I convinced myself it was because they weren’t my type, or because they looked like a bitch, or because they were too young, or some other bullshit story.
I missed out on many awesome opportunities with amazing women.
Then one day I said enough is enough.
I’m not going to miss out anymore. I deserve to date amazing, high quality women. I’m sick of settling and dating women I’m not attracted to.
Here’s How I Changed It
I was brutally honest with myself and accepted I needed to work on a few things. I took immediate action and asked myself: Why am I freezing up around beautiful women? After a few weeks of soul searching I found out the main reason was I was being too much of a nice guy. Every time I spoke to or saw a beautiful woman I needed her approval. I put her on a pedestal and thought being nice would get me laid.
How wrong I was.
Ask yourself this: How can you be attractive when you’re worrying if you’re saying the right thing or putting her value above your own?
This is why you freeze up around beautiful women and why you get nervous and anxious around them, just like Rodney.
And this is why you exit the conversation (even if its going well) or she makes the excuse she has to ‘go to the bathroom.’
Needy, approval seeking behavior repels women, especially high quality women.
“People will do more to avoid pain than they will to gain pleasure” – Tony Robbins.
Here are five books I want you to read. If you’ve already read them read them again…and again! Start with Dr. Glover’s book first:
No More Mr. Nice Guy, by Robert Glover
What Women Want In A Man by Bruce Bryans
How To Be A 3% Man by Corey Wayne
Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson
The Way Of The Superior Man by David Deida
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit” – Aristotle.
Read each book until your eyes bleed then go out and apply what you learn. You won’t get it right the first time.
Preserve, persist, be patient, and be resilient.
The One Thing
OK, as promised, here is the one thing from No More Mr. Nice Guy that helped me the most:
Find a spot where you can be alone with your thoughts. For me, I connect with my thoughts the best when I’m in the shower.
Think about a time, just one, you didn’t do something because you thought the woman you like(d) would think bad of you, look down on you, or use that as a reason not go out with you. For this to work you need to be brutally honest. An example of mine that stands out the most was I wouldn’t buy smokes from the cute cashier (a non-smoker) I liked because I thought she would disapprove of me, and therefore reject me, if I asked her out.
When you connect with the one thing write it down and review it often. Talk about it with a trusted person (preferably another man).
After a week of reviewing your one thing go out and do it. So for me, I said fuck it, I don’t need her approval, and I don’t care what she thinks of me. I enjoy smoking, and bought cigarettes from her. Then I asked her out. Did she say yes? Of course she did.
How Big Are You Balls?
A matrix exits in psychology called Paradoxical Intentions whereby the subject deliberately does what they fear the most.
Dr. Viktor Frankl, the founder of Logotherapy, and author of Man’s Search for Meaning coined the term and “advocated its use by patients experiencing severe forms of anxiety disorders.”
It this sense it means approaching a woman you find attractive and deliberately freezing.
Doing this takes balls…big balls.
I’ve used this technique in my coaching courses, most notably (or infamously) Next Level Comfort Zone Challenges.
If you can deliberately freeze up in front of a beautiful woman over and over you’ll never freeze up when talking to a hot woman ever again.
I fucking promise you!
Are you up for the challenge? Are your balls big enough? They are? Good! Make sure you get on the waiting list for Cometh The Hour Challenges.
Cari saluti da Melbourne! And as always, thanks for reading.