In his highly recommended book, No More Mr. Nice Guy Robert Glover provides many exercises and activities for recovering Nice Guys.
Each exercise and activity is more than useful and, if followed through and repeated, turns Nice Guys into masculine, mature men over time. Out of all the exercises and activities, though, one in particular helped me the most.
I will share this with you soon enough, but first I want you to read the following true story.
A Night Out With The Lads
Picture this: You’re sitting at the bar with your mates.
You look over at the big screen to make sure your team is still winning and you notice her.
She makes your heart skip a beat.
You’re in love.
You’ve got to have her.
She spots you staring at her.
You look away first.
Then you look over at her again and she smiles at you.
You don’t act on it at first
…but then your mates tell you you’re a pussy if you don’t go and talk to her.
You take a deep breath, think of the line you’re going to use and walk over to her.
Your chest is tight and your heart is pounding.
You’re nervous as heck but she’s seen you coming her way – you can’t back out now.
As you get closer to her you forget your awesome line.
Too late now.
“Hey, how’s it going?”
“Not bad, thanks. How are you?”
“I’m good. What’s your name?”
“Hi, Sharon. I’m Michael”
“Nice to meet you, Michael.”
A little while later…
“So, what do you do Sharon?”
“I’m a nurse.”
“Cool. How long have you been a nurse for?”
“Oh, about three years now.”
“Cool, do you like it?”
“Yeah, it’s challenging, but very rewarding. What do you do?”
“I’m a sales rep.”
“Do you like it?”
“Ah…yeah…it’s good..listen I..er..have to get back to my mates…it was nice meeting you.”
You go back to your mates and bullshit about how she wasn’t really your type while inside
…you’re kicking yourself for ‘stuffing’ up again.
She’s confused as all fuck as to what just happened.
‘Why did he leave? He was cute…’
This was me before I invested in myself.
I used to freeze up around beautiful women.
Sometimes I wouldn’t even go over and talk to them, even when they gave me visual cues they wanted me to approach.
I would convince myself it was because they weren’t my type, or because they looked like a bitch, or because they were too young, or some other bullshit story.
I missed out on many awesome opportunities.
Then one day I said enough.
I’m not going to miss out anymore. I deserve to date amazing, high quality women. I’m sick of settling and dating women I’m not attracted to.
I’m not broken, but there are a few things I need to fix.
The solution to any problem is finding the cause.
What was causing me to freeze up?
After a few weeks of working on and investing in myself I found out the main reason was this:
I was being too much of a nice guy. I was being needy and approval seeking.
When I approached a beautiful woman I was doing so from a place of needing her to like me.
I needed her approval. I was putting her on a pedestal.
How can you be attractive when you’re worrying if you’re saying the right thing or putting her value above your own?
This is why you freeze up around beautiful women.
This is why you get nervous and anxious.
And this is why you exit the conversation (even if its going well) or she makes the excuse she has to ‘go to the bathroom.’
Needy, approval seeking behavior repels women, especially high quality women.
The following infographic illustrates the top 10 reasons why men freeze up around beautiful women
I’m going to assume because you’ve landed on this page that the reason you freeze up around beautiful women isn’t because you don’t wear enough warm clothes when you talk to them…
“People will do more to avoid pain than they will to gain pleasure” – Tony Robbins.
Here are five books I want you to read. If you’ve already read them read them again…and again! Start with Dr. Glover’s book first:
No More Mr. Nice Guy, by Robert Glover
What Women Want In A Man by Bruce Bryans
How To Be A 3% Man by Corey Wayne
Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson
The Way Of The Superior Man by David Deida
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit” – Aristotle.
Read each book until your eyes bleed then go out and apply what you learn.
You won’t get it right the first time.
Preserve, persist, be patient, and be resilient.
You deserve the best. It is your birthright.
The One Thing
OK, as promised, here is the one thing from No More Mr. Nice Guy that helped me the most:
Find a spot where you can be alone with your thoughts. For me, I connect with my thoughts the best when I’m in the shower.
Think about a time, just one, you didn’t do something because you thought the woman you like(d) would think bad of you, look down on you, or use that as a reason not go out with you. For this to work you need to be brutally honest. An example of mine that stands out the most was I wouldn’t buy smokes from the cute cashier (a non-smoker) I liked because I thought she would disapprove of me, and therefore reject me, if I asked her out.
When you connect with the one thing write it down and review it often. Talk about it with a trusted person (preferably another man).
After a week of reviewing your one thing go out and do it. So for me, I said fuck it, I don’t need her approval, and I don’t care what she thinks of me. I enjoy smoking, and bought cigarettes from her. Then I asked her out. Did she say yes? Of course she did.
How Big Are You Balls?
A matrix exits in psychology called Paradoxical Intentions whereby the subject deliberately does what they fear the most.
Dr. Viktor Frankl, the founder of Logotherapy, and author of Man’s Search for Meaning coined the term and “advocated its use by patients experiencing severe forms of anxiety disorders.”
It this sense it means approaching a woman you find attractive and deliberately freezing.
Doing this takes balls…big balls.
I’ve used this technique in my coaching courses, most notably (or infamously) Next Level Comfort Zone Challenges.
If you can deliberately freeze up in front of a beautiful woman over and over you’ll never freeze up when talking to a hot woman ever again. I fucking promise you!
Are you up for the challenge?
Are your balls big enough? They are?
Good. Make sure you get on the waiting list for Next Level Comfort Zone Challenges Round Two then.
As always, thanks for reading.