In my last post, Why You Freeze When Talking To Women… we looked at why you freeze and briefly discussed how to overcome it.
Rather than go into great detail about it myself, I provided resources that have helped me stop freezing up when talking to women.
I felt this would greater serve you and offer you the most value.
I recommend you check these resources out if you haven’t already.
In this post we will look at why you run out of things to say to women.
The men I hang around and even men I have just met say they always or most of the time run out of things to say when talking to women.
They don’t necessarily freeze when talking to women, but they run out of things to say because they:
Don’t turn their filter down
Don’t use non-sequiturs
Don’t use statements
Don’t make predictions
Don’t build ‘bridges’
Don’t tell or share stories
Let’s go through each one in detail so by the end of this post you’ll never run out of things to say when talking to women.
Of course, like anything, you must apply what you learn and practice, practice, practice.
Turning your filter down
When you’re hanging out with your family/mates you’re saying things without care.
I know I do.
“I had the best shit today.”
“I took the dog for a walk and he pissed on every tree.”
” Man, you talk shit. There’s no way they will the flag this year.”
This is turning your filter down. You’re relaxed and being yourself.
But, if you are like I was, when you start talking to a beautiful woman you turn the filter up.
You don’t say what’s on your mind. So as soon as there’s ‘awkward silence’ you panic.
You’re trying to think of something cool to say but don’t say because you’re worried she might not like it or frown at you.
So you take on the nice guy persona and play it safe. This bores her to death
…and one of two things happen: she’ll make up an excuse to leave or her friends will drag her away.
So say whatever’s on your mind, God dammit! This’ll make the interaction lively, interesting and entertaining.
If she makes you nervous because she’s sexy say it.
If she disapproves or gets offended/upset so be it. This just means she’s not right for you.
These are nonsensical sentences. You’re blurting out whatever’s on your mind.
” I had my first wine last night. That car crash last week was the worst I’ve seen.”
“I hate this show. What’s another word for cruise?”
Again, this will make the interaction interesting and unpredictable and keep the conversation flowing with the right woman.
Most guys ask women questions rather than stating things about themselves.
Asking questions in the beginning is normal and acceptable but doing so repeatedly makes it hard for her to trust you or build rapport.
Depending on the circumstances it may annoy her because it feels like an interview or worse, an interrogation.
As Mark Manson says in his book Models:
When you share a fact about yourself and then talk about it, you are…sharing yourself and giving her a chance to chime in with her input as well.
Manson goes on to add that “the amazing thing about speaking in statements is if you do it correctly, she will start asking you questions.”
When she starts asking you questions she is investing in you = she’s attracted to you.
Answer honestly and without caring if you’re saying the right thing and “you control the information and the conversation.”
The other thing about speaking in statements is you are being vulnerable. By doing so you are creating an emotional connection.
A personal example of using a statement:
“I got into youth work because my childhood wasn’t the greatest. I come from a broken family. I didn’t have the basics most days. I want to make a difference to young people’s lives and use my own experiences to help them reconnect with their families.”
A prediction is this sense is guessing something about her rather than asking her – it’s a cool way of creating flowing dialogue.
“Let me guess…you’re a cat lover.”
“You use your hands a lot when you speak. I bet you’re a teacher.”
“You guys look like you’ve been friends since childhood.”
If you’re prediction is right she’ll freak out and ask you how you knew.
If you’re wrong she’ll ask you what made you think that.
Either way, you win because you will have something to talk about for a while…if nothing else it’ll get her to open up for awhile anyway.
And that’s where building bridges comes in
When she’s making statements about your predictions take note.
For example,if she says “I’ve been teaching for 5 years. I love it, but want to get into educational sales. I enjoy meeting and talking to people and hate being cooped up in a classroom day after day.”
I could build a bridge here around sales and being cooped up.
I used to work in sales and I hate being cooped up in an office.
Telling/sharing a story
Telling/sharing a story follows the same structure as an essay:
This way you avoid sounding weird, random or ‘what the fuck?’
On the way here I thought I’d grab a quick bite to eat at Maccas near my joint. I don’t normally go there, but I am a huge fan of the bacon & egg Mcmuffin meal and love their coffee. I like how they run it all day now – I can rock up anytime and get my ‘hit.’
So I rock up and order what I want and the girl behind the counter says they stop making coffee after 10 pm. I asked her what am I supposed to have with my ‘breakfast?’ How can you serve all day breakfast without coffee?
She shrugged her shoulders and asked if I would like a coke instead.
I just stood there dumbfounded. It must have taken me a good five minutes before I replied: who has coke with their breakfast?
Again, she just shrugged her shoulders.
So I shrugged mine back at her and went to the Maccas up the way a bit and got a coffee with my breakfast.
So, yeah I reckon she just couldn’t be stuffed making the coffee for whatever reason.
It’s not the first time I’ve experienced shit service like that at that Maccas, either.
How about you guys?
Mastering these conversation skills and techniques take very little time if you practice them regularly.
Practice on your mates, family members and female friends for two weeks straight
Then practice on random girls you aren’t attracted to for two weeks straight.
After a month use them on the girls you like and you will never run out of things to say.
Let me know how you go.
Image credit : The Modern Man