Why Women Crave Leadership In Men

It's 5 O'clock Somewhere...

“Women want men who lead. Any attempt to seduce her or win her heart will only backfire if she doesn’t already respect you as a man” – Bruce Bryans

This post explores this theme using the date night as example.

As a men’s coach I work with a lot of guys who tell me that adding or having more date nights does nothing to improve their relationships.  When I dig deeper I typically find out that’s not the case at all. It’s because:

  1. They’re scheduling the date night for the same place at the same time every week


  1. Asking their partner what they would like to do and where they would like to go

To you and me number one is an obvious reason date nights are doing nothing to improve their relationships.

But number 2 seems reasonable, right?


When women have to make decisions on where you’re going or what you’re going to do on date night you are forcing her to lead.  She doesn’t want this. She’ll start losing respect for you and start doubting your masculine core, and may even become cold, bitter, and bitchy. Predictably, “she’ll test you. She might not be fully conscious of why she is doing it, but she will poke your weak spots…in order to feel your strength”—David Deida.

As Corey Wayne makes clear on his blog, Understanding Relationships:

Women can’t stand men who are indecisive or have a hard time making a decision. Never ask a woman what she wants to do on a date. If you do, 99.999% of all women will simply respond back with, “What do you want to do?” Women want to be with men who know what to do.

Before I became better with women and relationships I would ask my partners what they would like to do or where would they like to go.

Sure, they would come up with ideas and we would enjoy our date nights, but then, out of the blue, she would launch a full-blooded assault on me.

I had no idea what was happening at the time and no idea how to handle it.

And sex became less and less interesting.  Inevitable they cheated on me, or dumped me, or both.

I killed my relationships because I wasn’t being a man and taking the lead.

I don’t want this to happen to you.


How To Use Date Nights To Win Her Heart

First of all, if your date night is every Wednesday down at the local bar with two beers and a bite to eat change it to a Tuesday movie night, or a Thursday night drive, walk along the beach or whatever you can think of.  Change it up and change it often – women love spontaneity and they love being surprised.

Second of all, stop asking her what she would like to do or where she would like to go.  Be the man, take the lead, and plan the date night. Then say to her, “Honey, put your shoes on…we’re going out. Last one to the car is a rotten egg!” You’re being playful, fun and taking control without being controlling. She loves this.

If by chance she throws a test at you such as, “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me where we’re going,” don’t buy into it. Pick her up, twirl her around and say “It’s a surprise. I’ve taken care of everything…except the murder weapon!”

She’ll giggle and probably slap you in a playful manner. You’ve passed her test, but more importantly, you’re turning her on. Keep teasing and flirting with her throughout the night, and I almost guarantee she’ll tear your clothes off before you even get home.

“Continually develop yourself into a better man and she’ll see you as both an irrefutable leader and an irreplaceable lover” – Bruce Bryans.


As always, thanks for reading.



Take Away:

  • Women are designed to receive men in every way— physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually. They expect you to know what to do and how to lead
  • They don’t really want to be in control
  • They want you to be in control without being controlling
  • If you’re not having date nights start having them